Ugly Valentine

Today is Valentine.

And I am not really someone who would dig the past to find out the actual meaning and history of Valentine. Since its a day for couple to show their love to their love ones, I see it as something good. So why not join in the fun.. I mean lets not talk about getting roses on that day.. The price of the roses will increase ten times more just on Valentine.. of course, there are other alternatives… Go out for a romantic dinner or any other options favourable to the loving couple. . . or getting surprises on Valentine.

So, today is Valentine..

And what do I get?

Hurtful words from my own fiance.

Have I not be considerate enough? Have I not  sacrifice enough?

Have I not done enough?

Yes, I understands that he is going through some tough financial times. Having his pay deducted by 15% due to some comm error made by the HR. Having to pay his study loans, his bike maintenance, his own expenses.. Yes I understand that.. and I am not asking for anything.. So when he came to me that he wants to do some part time work on Valentine, I agreed thinking that if it earns him an extra pocket money, why not? I agreed thinking he’s out there to earn some money.

Then I found out that he is gonna meet his friends after he ends his part time work. Tell me, what am I supposed to feel?

To top it off, he said hurtful things to me.. And I keep pondering, why did i ever placed u first in my life when this is what I get for putting u first before everything.

Why didnt I want a wedding? cause I know know it will only put him into another financial burden. Because I know he cant come up with the amount that was committed  earlier. And knowing the fact that he didnt work well under a lot of pressure, I decided not to have a wedding.. I am fine with just having solemnization…and to hell what others want to say about it. Why? Cause I dont believe in making him go through another financial burden just to get married. Thats the reason why.. Its not because I dont believe in a wedding. I do believe in a wedding, just that I dont believe in having a wedding that will drained us financially.

All these for who?

Yet all I get is another round of words that just pierced right into my heart.

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